A Child's Feelings

Yesterday was the same as any other day. It was a day filled with my daily routines, nothing special really. Eidruce fell asleep around 10.45pm. So now I’m just waiting for Marissa to sleep. She napped about 2 and a half hours this evening so my best bet is, she’s not sleepy at all. But I know if I don’t play with my phone, turn the other way round and be quiet, she will go to sleep eventually. 

So I decided to play ‘pretend sleep’, just to ignore her so she will get bored and go to sleep. Trust me, this works like a charm. :D But I didn't close my eyes this time, I looked at one direction, and be still for as long as I can. I tried not to close my eyes, and I also tried breathing cautiously so that I appeared to be ‘dead’. In the beginning Marissa was cuddling me, she loves laying under my arm. She called “Mommy, mommy, mommy”, she tried tickling me (which honestly I almost laughed but I kept my cool *phew*) and she laughed because somehow I think she knew I was just pretending.

But of course I did not budge. For 5 minutes I laid still, suddenly she said “Mommy” in the saddest tone I’ve ever heard. She looked at me and she tried waking me up by shaking my body. And then, the saddest thing happened and believe me I didn't expect this at all. SHE CRIED WHILE SAYING “MOMMY”. :’( Then she curled up into my arm and touched my cheeks, still trying to wake me up. Then she turned to the other side and continued sobbing.

My heart broke into a million pieces. I immediately hugged her, kissed her. She turned to me and I asked her “Why are you crying, Micha sedih ke mommy tak bangun?” She just nodded and kissed me. I hugged her tightly and stayed up with her until she fell asleep.

You see, I somehow always underestimate her feelings, abilities to understand certain situations. Honestly I never thought that she will react this way. The fact that she understands sadness of me not waking up, just tears me apart. I’m like crying now even typing this out. She’s growing up every single day and I need to be more alert on things like this. Yes my baby girl is getting bigger, smarter, oh my I can’t believe she’s going to be 3 soon.

When I first found out I was pregnant with Eidruce, I was really worried about Marissa and I actually felt guilty for wanting another child.   I’m sorry Micha that sometimes Mommy marah Micha, I know you need the attention because you yourself still a baby. :’( I want you to know that Mommy will always love you even though mommy banyak bebel. You are so special in my heart, you are the reason that I become a mother. Your 3rd birthday is coming soon, and I’m still planning out your birthday party. I hope you will have fun that day with all your cousins, tok babah, opah, atok, wan, aunties and uncles, and of course mommy, daddy and Edush. Mommy sayang Micha sangat-sangat. :')

Okay guys, that’s all for now. I know I haven’t been writing about my personal stuff because honestly I just don’t have the time to do it anymore. Being a wife and a mother to a toddler and an infant while taking care of the household and being on socmed for work is really taking up my time. I sometimes surprised myself, how do I able to do all this?

Okay geng, talk to you guys later.

 Thanks for reading!



  1. Kak Sue sebak.. bergenang airmata baca entri nie. Rasa macam cepat sangat anak membesarkan. Semoga Micha membesar menjadi anak yang solehah.. cemerlang dunia dan akhirat.. aamiin ya rabb.. ❤

  2. alololololo.... drama tau anak beranak ni (T.T) menyampah lah!! haha alaa dun sad sad ya btw micha is such a prettyy girl la babe dh la putih melepakkk gebu gebashh gerammnya! lama aunty x jmpe awk la huhu



Follow Us